Friday, April 24, 2009

No more teaching my father. Anything.

Most of my life, I have felt the need to teach my father in areas where he is ignorant.  My father is very intelligent around making money, but lacks any type of emotional refinement.  The easiest example to describe is how he eats with his mouth open even after 35 years of the family asking him to stop.  It's as if he really has no interest in accommodating anyone.  About a month ago, he asked to come visit us in Austin with his wife to see our son and give him a birthday gift.  A seemingly easy request to grant, except that my wife has been chronically ill, I am doing double the work to keep the family together and my son has suffered his two largest injuries ever, under the neglectful watch of my father.  i.e.  we can't leave him alone with his grandfather, for safety reasons.  which means that I have to baby sit the grandfather as well as the son, so I'm doing triple duty when he's around.  Not restful, nor fun for me.  As you can imagine I politely explained that it would be best if they didn't come due to Kate's illness and left it at that.  An uncomfortable conversation to have but necessary for my sanity.  That was about a month ago...

Today I received a message from my father asking again if they could come visit in a few days. Usually you would assume the someone would at least acknowledge our past conversation and maybe ask about Kate's health, but not dear ol' dad.  No mention of it.  Only, "We'd like to come and give grandson a present."  I've decided, thanks to the reading in this weeks VA meeting about the role of the rescuer, not to even return the call.  I no longer need to educate my father on etiquette, nor do I have to repeat myself or my reasons to be "polite" while having the same uncomfortable conversation twice.  Thanks VA!

1 comment:

  1. Wow I just read this and I'm inspired by how my rescuing behavior has gradually begun to leave me for more healthy connection with people. Thanks VA!